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Newsletter
I no longer publish a monthly newsletter. However, you can see the content from three of my most popular newsletters below.
Examples of my newsletter
Here are 3 newsletters about:
- Aligning your life with your values
- How to develop clarity, direction and confidence
- Tips for a more satisfying career
ALIGNING YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR VALUES
In this issue of my newsletter, I want to talk about HAPPINESS.
We spend a huge amount of our time and energy trying to become happier or to remain happy. Many of us look outside of ourselves for happiness, as if somehow there’s something to be discovered, the key to contentment. But, being happy starts closer to home than this – it starts with you.
Over the coming weeks, I’m going to be focusing on six factors that contribute to happiness and feeling truly alive, and if you don’t have them, to feeling low and out of sorts.
The six factors are:
- Aligning your life with your values
- Appreciating what you already have
- Being able to choose your experiences
- Taking responsibility for your life
- Playing to your strengths
- Having a positive attitude.
Our values, whether we are conscious of them or not, are what underpin our lives. When our values are being enacted we feel calm, balanced, positive and purposeful. When our values are being attacked or suppressed we feel angry, frustrated, dejected, disempowered and negative.
Values are enormously powerful. In the last six months, three of my clients have left their jobs with no new job to go to, purely because they came to see that their values weren’t being honoured at work and the situation wouldn’t change. Life’s simply too short to have your values trodden into the dirt.
Everybody has a unique set of values because we are all different. Here are some examples of values: freedom, self-expression, integrity, achievement, harmony, making a difference, humour, love, creativity.
One of my values is “efficiency”. I like to get things done. In a previous job I used to spend a lot of time in meetings – often, a very unproductive way of making decisions. As a coach, pretty much the only meetings I have are with my clients, so I’m rid of meetings, meetings, meetings – and significantly happier in the process.
Another of my values is “making a difference”. This value is honoured in my job as a coach, which is why I love my work. I love to support people to build the life they truly want to live and to achieve their potential.
So, what’s the connection between values and happiness? Well, the more you live your values the more fulfilled you will be. Equally, when things aren’t going well for you, you can check which of your values are being suppressed, then work on how you can take action to honour them more fully.
If you want to start connecting with your values, here are some places to look:
- The things you love to do
- The times when you feel alive and energised and/or calm and at peace
- The things you hate doing (suppressed values)
- The times when you have felt totally let down by life and squashed (suppressed values)
Words of inspiration:
Do you know what you’d love to do, but worry that things might not turn out the way you want? Bear in mind the words of John F. Kennedy:
“There are risks and costs to a program, but they are far less than the long range risks and costs of comfortable inactions.”
HOW TO DEVELOP CLARITY, DIRECTION AND CONFIDENCE
Last week a client told me how life was looking up for him now that he was getting clear about what he wanted from his working and personal lives, and was starting to make things happen.
Today, I want to share with you some of the approaches I use in helping clients to develop the clarity, direction and all important confidence they need to make changes and lead happier, more fulfilling lives.
I’ll be focusing on three key themes – clarity; direction; confidence.
Clarity:
No change or improvement can occur without your first getting clear about where you want to be heading.
As the American psychologist William Sheldon said, “happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere, wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation.”
The most powerful place to start is with a simple and direct question:
“What do you want?”
If you don’t know what you want, how can you move forward?
When I say, “what do you want?”, I don’t mean vanilla ice cream or chocolate, but what do you really want your life to be like?
This is a deceptively simple question. It can be very complex as we battle with the conflicting pulls of what we really want, what we think we can have, what we feel is acceptable etc. For these reasons, it’s often useful to get somebody to ask you the question rather than ask it to yourself. I mean that literally. Get a friend to sit with you and ask you “what do you want?” then have them sit in silence while you answer. It’s both challenging and powerful if you allow yourself to go with it. It can be extremely effective to keep asking “what do you want?” to each answer you give, because each time you ask the question, you peel another layer off the surface of the question as you drill down to find real answers.
Once you have worked out what you want – and this can take a few minutes or quite an extended period of time – ask yourself “what’s important for me about this?” A “want” that is “important” often fulfils many of the values we hold dear. For example: becoming self-employed might be important for freedom, creativity, work/life balance, challenge, following a passion etc. Yes, it might have something to do with money too, but see how the values just mentioned have so much more energy and charge to them than the word money.
(By the way, don’t ask yourself “why do I want this?” because asking “why?” can open the door to justification, guilt and other often unhelpful responses.)
Direction:
“What are the options?” is a crucial question for direction setting. Start by brainstorming a range of alternatives, including some off-the-wall, crazy or unfeasible options. Then work them through so that the “important want” is considered in the real world. Don’t let the “real world” put you off doing what you want though. The “real world” is all about what we know and trust, but sometimes we need to break with tradition to create something new that fits who we are. When embarking on significant changes, being sure that you have picked the best option not only makes sense but also instills drive, enthusiasm and a sense that change is possible.
When it comes to making decisions, you are likely to fall into one of two camps – you either trust facts and past experience or you go with your intuition or sixth sense. Make sure the decision-making method that works for you is the one you use.
Confidence:
Confidence comes from Latin and means “having faith in yourself”. Confidence comes from within and is really about appreciating yourself and seeing your positive aspects objectively, realistically and with a sense of pride and pleasure. Your personality and your strengths are the key elements of your self-confidence.
An effective and fun way to increase your confidence is to ask friends and colleagues for half a dozen words which describe your positive traits and strengths. It’s natural to feel shy about this if your British, but most people you ask will be delighted to share what they feel is positive about you. Give them a chance to help you and feel good for doing it.
Another exercise worth trying is to write a list or draw a picture of the key achievements in your life. The next step is to flesh each element out by noting how you made these things possible. We all forget how creative, resourceful and tenacious we are, and this is a way to remind yourself of what you can achieve when you put your mind to it.
Summary:
In short, clarity, direction and confidence can be achieved by:
- getting clear about what you really want and what makes it important for you
- checking out a whole range of options through fact-finding or using your intuition or ideally, a combination of the two
- seeking feedback from yourself and those who know you best. Be curious about your achievements, strengths and positive personality traits. It’s confidence in your abilities that will get you into action and keep you there.
“Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.”
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
“The wisest men follow their own direction.”
Euripedes (484BC – 406BC)
“Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere, wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation.”
Williams H. Sheldon
TIPS FOR A MORE SATISFYING CAREER
As a career coach, my role is to help my clients develop new career ideas and options that are more aligned with who they naturally are.
Given that we spend so much time at work or thinking about work, it’s crucial to make positive choices about the work we do. Money is clearly important but there is so much more to success at work than money.
I often work with clients who are looking for more satisfaction from their career and today I want to share some of my learning with you so you can incorporate it in your own career planning.
There are 5 key tips to consider when looking for career satisfaction.
TIP ONE - PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS
It sounds obvious but it’s easy to overlook. If you play to your strengths work will be easier, you are more likely to shine and you will have more fun.
We often confuse strengths with skills, when they’re not the same thing. Let’s look at Jamie Oliver as an example of this. He has great skills as a chef but he is so much more than that. His strengths include his passion for quality work, his enthusiasm for the subject, his ability to communicate, his desire to make the world a better place (shown in his work at his restaurant ‘15’ and with school dinner ladies). Gordon Ramsay is another great chef but his strengths are quite different. He has a fantastic business brain, he sets high standards, he’s tough but fair.
When thinking about your strengths don’t just think about the skills you have learned. Think more broadly about your character traits and attitudes to life and crucially, the things that mark you out from friends and family. Find out where you are different from other people and this is where your strengths will lie.
TIP 2 - LIVE YOUR WORK VALUES
What is important to you at work? What needs to show up in your work for you to be happy and productive? Work values are the key ingredients of your recipe for happiness in your career.
Examples of values at work are: intellectual stimulation, fun, power and authority, friendship, humour, setting my own pace, flexibility, appreciation, challenge, variety etc.
Work out the top 5 most important things for you in work, then aim to build your current and future work around these.
TIP 3 - LIVE YOUR PERSONAL VALUES
To be truly happy at work, many of us need to honour our personal values too. Personal values are the things that are important to us in our life as a whole.
Examples of personal values are: freedom, honesty, integrity, fairness, love, curiosity, beauty, justice, confidence, energy, harmony, creativity, do as you would be done by etc.
If you can build your most important personal values into your work, your life will be even more aligned with who you are.
TIP 4 - BE CHOOSY ABOUT YOUR BOSS
Daniel Goleman, the expert in Emotional Intelligence, believes that 80% of work place unhappiness is due to a personality clash with one’s immediate boss.
So, when taking a new job, make sure you get on with the new boss. Or if your boss leaves and a new one arrives, try to work out what the new boss is looking for and how they behave. Observe them. Ask them questions about what they want from you. Don’t assume that things will carry on as before as all new bosses want to change things.
Also, bear in mind who you are and what you need. You can’t change your boss to be who you want them to be but you can make choices – to see the world from their perspective, to change jobs, to be brave and voice your opinion etc.
If a boss stresses you out significantly, you need to be aware of the long term negative effect this can have on your health, relationships and self-esteem. It’s an old cliché – but it’s not worth ruining your life for the sake of a job.
TIP 5 - FIND OUT MORE ABOUT YOURSELF
If you want to be satisfied at work, find out more about yourself and what makes you tick. The more self-awareness you have, the better your chances of making the right career choices.
There are lots of relevant tests and questionnaires you can do online for little money. Have a search around and try some of them out.
You can also learn lots about yourself and grow as a person by hiring a coach, going to workshops, buying self-development books etc.
One final thing I want to say is – don’t be scared of personal development work. Often people don’t want to know their personality traits, strengths or values because they feel it may change them or show up something bad. However, the opposite is true. The more you understand yourself and embrace the reality of who you are, the better will be the decisions you make and the attitude you have about your life.
When you appreciate your uniqueness you will be energized and excited about your potential.
I hope these tips have been a useful starting point in your thinking about career satisfaction. Feel free to forward them on to anyone who you think may be interested to read them.
INSPIRATION AND FOOD FOR THOUGHT
"The key to high achievement and happiness is exercising your strengths".
Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness
“Job security is gone for ever. The driving force of a career must come from the individual.”
Ms Homa Bahrami, University of Berkeley business school
“If you wish to achieve worthwhile things in your personal and career life, you must become a worthwhile person in your own self-development.”
Brian Tracy, American TV host
